


Existence

by PurgatoryPalace



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Complete, Love, M/M, Major Character Injury, Slow Burn, before they actually met, major character death scene, not connected chapters, only in chapter 2
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-23
Updated: 2016-07-04
Packaged: 2018-07-16 21:37:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,466
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7285648
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PurgatoryPalace/pseuds/PurgatoryPalace
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He was sent down to Earth because some didn’t believe his kind existed, a higher power, to some, was a mere construct created to explain irrational events such as miracles, life, even destruction.<br/>So when Castiel first landed on Earth’s dimension in what had to have been millennia, he concealed himself in another realm; one that was just beyond that of Earth but far enough from Heaven that he could watch God’s creations without disturbance. Castiel’s orders were simple enough, he was to watch over the Righteous Man’s evanescent life as they grew older.<br/>(Small drabble, used a prompt for it :) )</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: “They sent me because I don’t exist.”  
> Couple: Dean/Castiel, One-sided, Unrequited (or so he thinks)  
> I don’t own Supernatural nor do I own Peanut M&M’s

Existence

He was sent down to Earth because some didn’t believe his kind existed, a higher power, to some, was a mere construct created to explain irrational events such as miracles, life, even destruction.

So when Castiel first landed on Earth’s dimension in what had to have been millennia, he concealed himself in another realm; one that was just beyond that of Earth but far enough from Heaven that he could watch God’s creations without disturbance. Castiel’s orders were simple enough, he was to watch over the Righteous Man’s evanescent life as they grew older. Then, when the time came, Castiel was to tell the Righteous One of their purpose and explain what Castiel’s Father had planned for them. Castiel knew he had always been a faithful soldier, believing wholly in the Word of God he followed through with his orders until the end without a second thought, no hesitation no questions asked. He need not question the Word of the Lord.

After having had searched in some form of the future he discovers a man in Pontiac, Illinois named James, Jimmy, Novak. This man has been very faithful to their Father in Heaven, praying to God every day and night, thanking him generously. This host has had a bloodline associated with housing celestial beings for quite some time, he’s perfect. Castiel speaks to him- he still finds it amusing about how protective humans are of their gender- and James- _Jimmy please-_ agrees almost immediately, so long as Castiel promises that the Novak family will remain unharmed and protected in the hands of God. And so Castiel promises as such.

XxXxXxXxX

When the Righteous Man is born it’s truly a sight to behold, albeit messy. Castiel stands in the room away from the disorder of frantic humans trying to deliver the child safely, the child’s mother, Mary, is lying keeled over on the bed in pain, waiting for the Doctor’s ‘Go ahead’.

Castiel finds himself smiling wistfully, Mary- what a coincidence that this is her name and she is birthing the Righteous One. Castiel’s attention is brought back to her when Mary mutters a few lines of blasphemy under her breath that Castiel is willing to ignore- considering the amount of pain she’s in- and reaches for her husband’s hand, John Winchester.

Castiel feels his vessel’s- though he supposes it’s technically his body for the moment- eyes narrow, he’s heard a lot about what was to become of John Eric Winchester from his brother’s and sister’s. Most were assumptions and rumors of course but others he knows are facts.

Castiel shakes his head in frustration before turning his attention back to his Charge, it wouldn’t bode well if he was to be distracted at such a time.

It truly was a beautiful sight- though Castiel can’t begin to describe the amount of pain Mary is in- when the baby is finally held in the nurse’s arms, whimpering and squirming. Yet when Castiel’s eyes lay upon the baby’s face, he knows that he is lost.

XxXxXxXxX

Throughout the years of Dean Winchester life Castiel watches the child with rapt attention, he watches as Dean learns how to crawl, stand, walk, and even attempt to speak.

However when Samuel is born Castiel is given the opportunity to watch as his Charge’s eyes light up with joy. A wide almost-toothless grin stretches across Dean’s face as he holds his younger sibling for the first time and a warmth settles deep in Castiel. He feels his mouth curling up faintly at the corners in what is supposed to be a smile. Righteous Man indeed.

XxXxXxXxX

Mary Winchester dies November 2nd, 1983 and Castiel is not there to save her. He remembers now briefly that Heaven had required his presence and is still conflicted about the event. He sucks in a deep breath- though he need not breathe, and sharply exhales, praying for his Father’s strength and guidance.

After a few seconds Castiel flies into the motel room John manages to pay for, looking on in despair as Dean silently stares at the wall, tears falling down his face. Dean doesn’t make a sound, he only moves when Samuel fusses in his arms, gurgling and staring wide-eyed at his older brother’ face. Steadying himself Castiel allows himself a small glimpse into Dean’s mind, cringing when he’s met with flames licking at open wounds, however one thought continues circulating through Dean’s mind, _Sammy’s my responsibility now_. Having no true feelings of his own Castiel cannot fathom as to why now of all times his true form is crying out in despair, if he had allowed himself to exist in Dean’s current dimension he was sure that his vessel’s body would have been glowing brilliantly with grief and possibly pain for his Charge. Dean doesn’t speak for a long time after that.

XxXxXxXxX

At the age of ten Dean is a smart boy, considering John moves their broken family around a lot Dean keeps his grades steady and his teacher’s often praise him- Castiel always finds himself silently agreeing- but Dean’s father is never truly there long enough to pay attention. So Dean’s accomplishments go unnoticed by the man he worships, but they do not go unnoticed by Castiel.

Often when Dean is in a gloomy mood and snaps at his brother without realizing it Castiel quickly flies into town and grabs a small pack of peanut filled _M &M’s_ and places them discretely in Dean’s duffel, expression softening when Dean’s eyes light up.

When John Winchester leaves Dean in a small motel in Fort Douglas, Wisconsin to watch over Sam, Castiel feels a small burn of anger rise up in the pit of his being. Although Dean is smart and so is Sam the boy’s shouldn’t be left alone without proper care. So Castiel thinks, what’s more time spent with the Winchester’s going to do to Heaven? And stays with the boys almost every waking moment.

Dean’s face casts shadows only a fully grown adult should wear when Sam turns eighteen and declares to his brother one day that he’s leaving to study at Stanford. Palo Alto is a long ways away from where they’re hiding out now and Dean carefully keeps his expression neutral as he raises his eyes over Sam’s shoulder, not making eye contact. Castiel knows that if Dean were to make eye contact with his brother he would simply fall apart, metaphorical stitches ripping out of his heart and opening old wounds.

“Sam you-“

“No, Dean,” Sam says in a firmly gentle voice, like he doesn’t want Dean to collapse in on himself, Castiel thinks bitterly that that is exactly what Dean will do. Dean will only blame himself for losing Sam to the need for knowledge, feeling like he’s failed him- their family- in some way. Castiel feels like someone’s choking him as he sees Dean’s eyes begin to water.

“This is crazy, Sam. What will dad think? No, screw that how are you going to tell him?” Dean’s voice, Castiel finds, is surprisingly steady for someone who’s radiating brokenness and desperation.

Castiel watches as Sam’s eyebrows scrunch up in frustration and he knows it’s coming but- “Hell Dean I don’t know! I wasn’t actually planning on telling either one of you at all! Maybe leave a note or something….” Castiel and Dean both suck in a sharp breath as Sam’s anger leaves him in a rush.

Castiel watches as Dean’s mask begins to crack and falter, his shoulders slumping as anxiety grows in his eyes. “Please, Sammy you can’t-” he coughs out a sob, “- you can’t just _leave_ like this you can’t just leave _me_.”

And there it is, Dean breaking apart in front of Castiel’s eyes and a small bubble of anger builds in him towards Sam but he knows he’s being irrational. Sam needs to go on his own path in order for Castiel to meet the brother’s later on.

“Please Sam there’s got to be another way, maybe me and you can go somewhere, do a salt ‘n burn like old times. You can’t leave me here and when dad finds out,” Dean’s jaw snaps shut and he sharply closes his eyes. Castiel clenches his jaw and narrows his eyes, he’s suspected that John Winchester abuses Dean, emotionally, verbally, one the off chance physically- but Dean has never said anything to Sam.

Castiel and Dean watch as Sam’s stern yet gentle expression breaks into something close to hatred for their father, “ ’When dad finds out’ what?” But Dean just shakes his head and doesn’t answer him. Castiel watches as Samuel takes a deep, steadying breath and then-

“Dean,” he says softly, “Dean you know this isn’t your fault right?” Dean’s eyes clench tighter and a whimper worms its way out of his throat, Castiel clenches his hands into fists. Sam continues, voice wobbly, “God Dean this isn’t your fault you hear me? I’ve always known that this wasn’t the life for me, even you should have seen… but you are not the reason I want to go to Stanford.

“Far from it actually, me and dad have been fighting more and I just, I want to be normal Dean. I want to be able to stay in an apartment or dorm and make friends who won’t wonder what happened to that ‘Sam kid’, he just up and left. You’re my big brother, Dean. As much as this hurts me I need to leave, I love you. You know that right? I do, and we can keep in contact, call each other and send letters.”

Dean chokes on a cry and nods his head, “Love you too Sammy.” he replies and Castiel’s heart, although technically he doesn’t have one- clenches tight in his chest and he knows he can’t watch this unfold before him. When Sam leaves Castiel will be there for Dean but he can’t just stand idly by and watch as Dean cracks and crumbles- and with that thought Castiel flies six states away. He appears in a small church that’s been well-kept and feels a deep sadness build inside of him, closing his eyes Castiel does the only thing he knows how to do in situations like these, he prays.

XxXxXxXxX

As time goes on Castiel’s services are required more and more in Heaven, his superiors tell him that they are preparing for something bigger than measly orders to watch over a human. Castiel believes that they don’t understand how fascinating it is to watch God’s creation, man. The little tells they have that indicate what they’re thinking, feeling. And yet Dean Winchester is something short of a mystery to Castiel. He is different from all the rest, his soul shines the brightest and emits the most pure, white and blue light that Castiel has ever seen.

A few years has passed and Castiel has only managed to catch glimpses of Dean Winchester, his orders from Heaven take priority and yet one day, when Castiel is speaking with one of his brother’s, Heaven goes quiet. Cocking his head to the side Castiel looks at Samandriel in wonderment as a voice, clear as day says, “Castiel, it is your job to retrieve Dean Winchester from perdition. He will remain in your hands until further instructions.”

Samandriel emits a warm and proud glow at Castiel and he returns it with joy. “Go Castiel, it is your time.” With a nod of his head Castiel says goodbye to his brother and begins his journey into Hell, the warmth that he’s felt from the beginning of meeting Dean growing in response.

XxXxXxXxX


	2. Noise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The chapters aren't connected.  
> However when Castiel shoved his angel blade through the last of his brothers’ and watched as Grace faded from their eyes, he could not begin to describe the emotions that had welled up in the pit of his very being.  
> Warning! Major character Death in this one-shot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short drabble, I think I'll do a series of short drabbles.  
> warning major character death in this one

_Noise_

Castiel had always found the concept of music interesting. He was able to understand why humans enjoyed it immensely and sought it out for entertainment.

Although, even Castiel admits that some of the genres were a little…unsettling, and some songs were certainly better than others, he guessed it was all about one’s taste in music.

Another thing that had always fascinated him was sound, rain pelting against a window, children laughing, birds chirping and anything else he couldn’t think of at the time; anything that brought joy to people. However when Castiel shoved his angel blade through the last of his brothers’ and watched as Grace faded from their eyes, he could not begin to describe the emotions that had welled up in the pit of his very being. Dean screamed, there is no other explanation for the sound his charge made, he wailed and grunted as he hit the ground and Castiel is frozen. One of his sisters stood above Dean, looking down at him with wide, fascinated eyes.

Castiel snarled, something feral and evil welling up in the pit of his stomach as he charged at the angel, thrusting his blade into her abdomen with no hesitation nor mercy. Falling to his knees Castiel had pulled the angel blade from his sister but dropped it to the floor, his throat closed and he couldn’t stop the choking sounds that had escaped his throat. “Dean, Dean wake up.” His voice cracked at the edges of his charges name palms clammy and eyes stinging, “Dean you promised, you said you’d die with a gun in your hand. I’m fairly certain ruby’s _knife_ is not a gun.”

Castiel allowed himself to babble as he picked up Dean gently in his arms, Sam was on another floor with Charlie, wrapping up loose ends while he sat there and held his charge, the Righteous Man. “Cas? You still suck at humor,” Dean choked out with a laugh, Castiel almost punched him, almost.

Growling out a reply he placed his hand over Dean’s chest wound, trying to muster up what little Grace he had left, “It’s not funny, Dean. I don’t think I can save you.”

Castiel had felt a tug on his coat and he looked down at Dean, “Hey, hey you’ve already saved me Cas. So many times before-” Dean choked and coughed, blood sprayed over Castiel’s arms and he barely noticed.

“Don’t speak, Dean. You need to save your energy,” Castiel pleaded with the man in his arms, his eyes wide and wet. “Sam!” He shouted a few times before leaning over Dean again, the man’s eyes fluttering. “Please Dean,” he whimpered, “Don’t....”

Dean’s eyes had begun to slowly close, a smile spreading across his face. “It wasn’t- wasn’t one sided Cas. Love-loved you from the start,” a sob tore its way through Castiel, tears streamed down his face as he grasped Dean’s hand in his own.

“I love you too, Dean. Always.” Leaning over Dean Castiel began to hum before voicing the words to the song, and as he did, Dean grinned and squeezed Cas’s hand before he went limp in the angel’s arms.

_“H-hey Jude, don’t make it bad….”_

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave kudos, comment or constructive criticism! If you see any spelling mistakes, let me know! Hope you enjoyed.


End file.
